Hello, it's me again...

Sigh. Nearly a week since I've deactivated. So far, it's been strange. When I see an article online I would like to share or discuss, I have to keep it to myself. No longer can I hit that little blue ''f'' and post it to me wall for all to see. When I'm watching videos on YouTube, same thing. It's all for me and me alone. I can tell people who I regularly see face to face or have some other means of contact, which is good because it encourages actual conversations. I'm missing out on things, I know. Important things are happening in my friend's lives, and I'm none the wiser unless they make the effort to let me know.

At first, the break was liberating. I was no longer obligated to sign in. I had time to anything I wanted. Which, turns out to be, not a whole hell of a lot. I work. I come home, still turning on the computer, but now it's seemed to have lost it's purpose. I forgot how to use the internet without facebook somewhere, lurking in the background. Always beckoning me to, come reason through thousands of statuses, read dozens of articles and posts. Play games. Watch videos. I have to actually go looking for things to amuse myself. I was hoping the time I was saving, could be spent writing, but I've been at work a lot this week, which leads to a lack of creative brain functioning. But, hopefully soon.

As for any news in my life. Nothing significant to report. The Oscar's are tonight. You'll be watching. I'll be sleeping. I'm rooting for George Clooney. I saw the Descendants. His was a performance worthy of an award. I'm not just biased, I promise. Had they recognized Ryan Gosling, which is a crime he was nominated for nothing, considering his performances in ''Drive'', ''Crazy, Stupid, Love'' and ''The Ides of March'', were some of the best I'd seen in years, I'd have a serious delima on my hands. But, again. Not biased.

Also, I've made an appointment for Rizzo to be ''fixed'' It's a routine operation. I'll have her back at the end of the day. She's going to be fine. These are all things I'm being told and keep repeating to myself. Doesn't stop me from being a nervous wreck. March 5th I have to take my baby in. Prayers and good thoughts are encouraged. Mostly for me.

Do I miss facebook? Yes. But mostly the people. The feeling of being constantly connected to several hundred individual lives all at one time. It's actually kind of lonely, but I think that's what's wrong with it as a whole. People use it to replace actual contact. Why should you call or write someone when you already know everything going on with them? Why should you hang out when that not only involves getting dressed and leaving the house, but also, you can just post something on their wall? It's not quite to the extreme where people are eliminating all contact, but we aren't heading in a good direction guys.

Do I want to come back. Yes. And, no. At this very moment, I'm so tempted just to say, ''To heck with it.'' and come running back. But, there is a huge part of me that wants to see this through. Mainly, to prove to myself, I.can.quit.at.any.time. As Lesley Gore once said, ''You don't own me.''I'm hoping I'll come back, like seeing an old lover again, after you've gone on with your life. No one expected you would. Everyone said you wouldn't make it after the break-up. But now, you can see that person and not feel the compulsion to throw yourselves at their feet and beg them to take you back. Calling and leaving hysteric voice mails. Pleas of how, ''things will be different this time'' Drive by their house late at night to see what they're doing and who they're with. No, this time, it will be on my terms. I've moved on. I am my own person. I can take or leave you. Facebook, that is.

But, if I being honest. It is a little lonely without it.

I hope you are all enjoying your lives and everyone is happy and taken care of! I hope to hear from some of you soon! Let me know how you are.

Just have a listen...

Kicking the habit in the taco!

Day one. No facebook.

It's weird. I woke up this morning, turned on the computer, and did not automatically sign into facebook. Of course, I'd already reminded myself, that no matter what, I was strictly forbidden from doing so. And, I'm alright. No body tremors, or breaking into a cold sweat, or hysterical sobbing, begging just. one. more. time. Not that these drastic withdrawal symptoms were at all expected, but you never know when breaking an addiction.

But, it's fine. And while we're being honest, I'll tell you the main reason I'm going to succeed, is the fact my husband has absolutely no faith in me seeing it through. I'll show him, by god. Even if it kills me. Which it won't. It never does.

I will tell you though, it was a lot harder to deactivate than I'd originally thought, and I'm not just talking about the last minute anxiety of ''Wait! What are you doing? Don't do it!'' I had finally mustered up the gumption to just do it. Hit the button. Then, I couldn't find the damn button. After finding it, I held my finger over the mouse for a moment before clicking. ''Do you really want to do this?'' I asked myself. And even though I said facebook was doing my head in, I started making a mental list of all the things I would miss. (Also, it doesn't help that on the deactivation page, facebook tries one last time to lure you back, by showing you a select pictures of a few friends with the caption, ''If you deactivate your account, 'so and so' will miss you.'' Awwww.) ''Just click.'' I urged myself. And so, I pressed my finger down. I was expecting a feeling of relief, like the hands that had been strangling me, finally released their grip and I could breathe again. But no. I got some message about how I wasn't allowed to deactivate, as I was the sole developer of some app and it needed me to stay. To my recollection, I'd never created an app. Come to find though, I had. And by the time I'd found it and deleted it, I'd gone through the deactivation process 14 times. Each time, seeing new pictures of people facebook was promising would be lost without me. My resolve chipping away. It was suggested by a friend that I not totally deactivate, but just leave it unattended for a while. But, that's too easy. I could just sign back in. This way, I'm completely absent. A virtual memory.

However, I did find it a little disheartening, just how easy it is to reactivate your account. I was hoping there would be something difficult. Like a jousting dual, or climbing the top of a mountain and finding a rare jewel and present it to Mark Zuckerberg to prove your worthiness and gain access back into his kingdom. Or maybe eating a goats testicle. I don't know. A little blood loss. Something that would give me pause before jumping right back in. But, no. It's as simple as just signing back in. So, at the end of the day, I'm going to have to rely on my self-control to keep me away. Those of you who know me well, can attest the the fact, my will is paper thin and easily torn right through. But, I can do it. If I don't, then Terry will be proven right, and we can't have that now, can we?

I think I'm going to be blogging a lot though. So, be prepared.

And expect to hear from me again. Very soon. x

Just trying something

Some of you have expressed concern that with my Facebook gone, I won't be able to update you on Rizzo and post 45 pictures a week. I'm going to see if it will work here...

Hey, guys! Over here!

If you've been on facebook today, you know that I'm taking a break during Lent. I've written a long, involved note as to why, so I won't bore you with the details here.

I believe this will give me a good opportunity to write this blog, as well as other things I'm working on. I keep saying I will. Then I don't. I'm too easily distracted, as I've explained many times before.

But, here it is. The old blog. I've dusted her off, and cranked her up and she is ready to go! Instead of silly status updates, you will get full thoughts and updates. And if you follow me on here, you can comment and we can still discuss things.

It will be like I never left. Facebook without all the brain crunching status updates. Ahhh, bliss.

Of course, I'll miss it. And I'm sure it will feel very strange. As if something is missing. But, I'm hoping to fill it up with so much other more productive stuff, it won't be bad for long.

I just need this. For me. You all mean a lot to me. Every single one of you. Even people I never talk to, just silently hover around your life, like a ghost. It's all going to be for the best.

I hope you find you like it here, and are nice and comfy. I will be bringing you updates all the time.

And I'm not leaving. I'm always here. Just, not there.

Much love to you all!