Kind of a bust.
I can't really think of anything I did, substantial enough to earn my place on planet Earth. This is disappointing for a number of reasons. One being the fact I know I'm capable of more. Somewhere inside, underneath my layers of insecurity, procrastination, the ability to get distracted and lose my place, crippling fear and just plain old laziness, there is a person who could be marching her way through life like there were no tomorrow. I've always felt I was destined for greatness, if I could just get my shit together, so to speak.
I am my own worst enemy.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I put things off. I can take over the world later. First I have to waste 6 hours playing Sims Social. Watching reruns of shows I can recite word for word. It amazes me how anyone gets a damn thing accomplished with all the distractions we have now days. But, maybe it's just me.
I blinked and 2011 was gone. Time moves way too quickly, I have to find someway of either stopping it completely, like in that Twilight Zone, where the guy finds a stopwatch (was it a stopwatch?) which gives him the ability to freeze time. All I remember from the episode, is that he uses this trick to rob a bank, but then as he'd carrying out bags of cash, carelessly drops the stopwatch, breaking it, leaving is frozen in time, except him. Maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea after all. Perhaps, I could just discipline myself and use time more wisely for the next 364 days.
It won't be easy. It's going to take a complete personality overhaul. Which isn't a bad thing. Just seems impossible. I'm nearly 40. Is it too late for me to reinvent myself into someone spectacular? I'm an old dog. Apparently, you can't teach us new tricks. But, I'm ready and willing to learn if anyone has any advice or pointers.
2012 has to be the year of reinvention. I'm going to get in shape this year. I'm going to get somewhere with my writing. I'm going to be nicer. Cry and moan less. Believe in myself. Figure it all out. Or at least get closer to the solution.
Which is why I'm starting this page. At least once a week, I'm going to write what's going on in my life. Thoughts. Plans. Actions. I've tried this before and it didn't work, but it's now or never. Besides, if you are to believe loads of people who swear they know what they're talking about, we are doomed and on the eve of destruction.
But whether or not the world is shattered to pieces by an earthquake or blown to oblivion by an asteroid, I'm not going without leaving my mark.
Years ago, I said I wasn't going to make New Year's Resolutions. A resolution is commitment you make with yourself to either begin some good habits or break some bad ones. Commitments are easily broken, especially if you make them with yourself, because you have only yourself to answer to, and as I said before, ''I am my own worst enemy'' and when I say I want to stop going to the gym, and start eating chocolate again, who am I to disagree with myself? Somewhere, I have to find self-control. Which is going to take me basically developing a split personality. One of a no mercy drill sergeant. I need to kick my own ass. Which is why I'm not going to make a ''resolution''. I'm changing it to a ''New Year's Revolution'' I'm engaging in a war with myself and I will be fighting battles on a daily basis. That takes something with a little more gusto than just a damn resolution. My entire life is paved with commitments and promises I've made to myself to be one way or another. Normally, they don't make it through the day before they're broken to pieces and sadly forgotten.
Not this year. Not this girl. I'm going to have it my way. Cue Frank Sinatra. Or Sid Vicious. Which ever version you prefer. And stay tuned for greatness.
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